Toilet training the kitties

"We're finally moving forward with this!" Becca shouted with glee as she bounded up the stairs with our new purchase, a shiny red plastic bowl. Up until now, it's been easy stuff. Just raising the litter box inch by inch by piling old textbooks underneath. Now that it's the same height as the toilet, it's time to nut up or shut up.

When we first got Emberzetta and Frances, one of us mentioned toilet training as a joke. I don't even remember how it got brought up. But then I googled "how to toilet train your cat" and surprisingly found some detailed, reasonable instructions on how to make it happen. Really, if we never had to buy litter again, not to mention having to scoop nasty poop daily (I never imagined 2 kittens could produce such a sheer quantity of waste), that would be awesome.We both thought it would be worth it to try.

So even though my sister and I have young, moldable cats, we're about to enter the danger zone where even the best and brightest have let a turd or two slip. We're about to make the switch from box to no box. This involves putting a large mixing bowl (hence the purchase) inside the toilet and filling it with litter so the cat knows where to aim. But the online instructions warn: if you move too fast and the cat gets frustrated, he'll go on anything absorbent (clothes, towels, your bed). Even if the cat does everything right, this part of the process is not without its challenges. To get the cat used to going without litter, you have to slowly decrease the litter in the bowl down to NOTHING. Do you realize how bad cat shit smells when there's no litter to cover it up? I nearly choked today when Emberzetta took a dump in the newly repositioned litter box (now it's on the toilet, not next to it) as I brushed my teeth. Must be all that oceanfish flavored Purina. Without deodorizing crystals, the instructions again warn: "By the time you're down to a token teaspoonful of litter in the bottom of the bowl, your next-door neighbors will probably be aware of the precise instant your cat has used the toilet." This isn't even to mention that we have to be around almost all of the time to predict when each kitten is going to get the urge, then train them on proper foot positioning by forcefully holding feet in place as they do their business (on the toilet seat rather than in the litter like they're used to).

Just gotta keep thinking about the reward...